All time low... just gave a strip tease to the theme song from Law&Order SVU.
True story: Just left my solo cup on a cop car. Yesss
i wrote her a fucking poem. i better get laid for that
Worst bachelorette party. She got smashed and cried because she thinks she might have herpes from when she cheated on him. Not looking good for them.
It was a sobriety test blowjob. If he could get it up, he could get me home.
Yeah I just gotta do it so that my major doesn't find out. Doesn't look good having a stripper teach your 3rd grader
BTW the amount of schmoozing I am doing towards some guy for an ID that may or may not look like you... You better love me.
Seriously. Come back. I've had two beers for breakfast so far. The third will be for lunch since it's already 12.
Hey, met you at the bar last night. You probably dont remember my name. You and your friends came back to my place, you shattered my window with your fist then dipped. Your gonna need to pay for that.
Thats where this cut came from! Thanks for piecing together the puzzle dude.
I'm beginning to think the entirety of my appeal is due to the size of my ass.
My brother didnt wanna sleep with her because she was my friend. Did I miss the memo where we're not supposed to be fucking each others friends? Oh well too late.
Of course I have a pirate flag
He has a bear rug in his room. I'm going to ask if we can have sex on it. Wilderness sex.
I think I'm taking after my dog, I just want to hump everything
we went to the skate park then back to her house for dinner, and somehow that ended with her making me blueberry pancakes at 2am
Randomize
