O no, u 2 are dating again?
No. I just masturbate furiously to his picture
Remember back in the day when getting fingered in the movie theater was the best thing ever?
I kind of feel like guidos are mythical creatures.
dibs on John Mayer's hood pass
I may have a concussion but the symptoms are the same as a hangover so I can't tell. Best 21st ever.
I got an MIP via FUCKING HELICOPTER. Tuscaloosa police either have nothing to do or too many resources.
This old guy just saw me toking on my bubbler before I go to the dentist. He gave me the nod.
We were licking ciroc off the poker table
My kid just put flowers in my hair to make me pretty, then showed my boobs to an entire playground. He's either the best wingman or the worst.
Ok, stop saying "youths." You're 23.
In honor of the new administration, I'm going to make it my goal this weekend to get some lesbian action. Fuck Donald Trump and fuck Mike Pence. I'm going to be a spiteful gay.
I need to find a more reliable booty-call so I can start dating people and take it slow.
This night could easily degenerate into a drunken haze of strippers and gambling, but I need a support network.
he was the first penis i touched… i have to go to his shitty bands first gig, i mean come on now
Don’t listen to me, I’m walking around wearing nothing but rave bracelets and headphones shouting “yeeeeaaahhhhhh”
Randomize
