Im going to bring a boy home tonight, and not tell him that I have my period. So when he tries to fuck me, I say no, and look really classy. Then he thinks I'm marriage material. So I give him head.
I should be sponsored by Trojan
woke up with ski boots on and a kayak in my room... birthday successful? i'd say so
under NO circumstances is it acceptable to fist pump to taylor swift
i'll never see her again. i cant remember her last name. this is like cinderella except prince charming drank too much jameson and couldnt save a phone number properly
at john mayer concert. alone. to many highschool kids. i feel like a drunk chaperone with a pomegranite martini mustache
Had to go to the urgent for a physical and I gave them my fake. Nurse was a sport though
All of the texts in my phone just say "BEER". I woke up with glowsticks on my arm. What happened last night?
Nope if you can't be there for me emotionally, then my vagina can't be there for you physically. That's my rule.
it's my birthday, i should be around people i want to fuck
I had to get my boss birth control a work today. I knew going to ASU would come in handy in my career someday.
Mashed potatoes are always the fuckin answer ok.
At least you didn’t announce to an entire bar you’ve eaten pussy, and then knocked your beer over.
Can you hurry up? Jamie just challenged my ex boyfriend to a duel and someone honest to God handed her a sword?
She didn't have her own?
Just got hit on via LinkedIn..do I capitalize on this opportunity/land a job or reply something sassy
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