One night stand!! Now I'm pissing excellence
That burning is chlamydia
hungover + watching bobsledding = i just puked
He just kept telling me how to do certain things. It was like I was fucking my sex ed teacher
You guys crashed sarahs vespa into a snowbank and its still there. not cool.
The liquor store manager told us to drink responsible as we checked out and we laughed to his face. Like we're buying karkov at noon, responsibility is out of the question
she's living proof man. somebody has literally pissed in the gene pool
He ate me out on the balcony. My asian neighbors cats are judging me...ALL 3 OF THEM!!
I just melted my phone trying to make cookies. I think that's a sign.
New definition for "rock bottom": Waking up in a puddle of your own puke, missing your fake tooth. Then having to dig through said puddle of puke for aforementioned fake tooth. Think it's time I quit partying so hard.
Is this your way of breaking up with me as my wingman?
He's probably hung over. I sure as hell am. I want to pop out my eyeballs with a fork and soak them in cold water
I drunkenly transformed into shehulk last night and lifted every single guy off the ground bc one guy told me that there was no way I was strong enough. Don't worry, I proved them wrong. Stupid stereotypical men.
So I vote that we skip the bowling and just go straight to destroying our livers.
I have poison ivy on my dick
WHAT
I hate him but I love him for what he does which is me
He shit with the door open. I think that means we are in a realtionship.
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