cannot fit in my clothes. too depressed to drink.
if you drink enough to puke, it's like a weight loss plan.
you were so high that you made a 14 page PowerPoint on why Santa would beat Peter pan in a fight.
and I must say, you were very persuasive
It makes me feel uncomfortable and unsafe when he licks my pants
SLUTTIEST. 4TH. EVER.
Nicole, you can't keep coming over at 3am wanting to build igloos.
My glasses are somewhere in your living room. Also, my underwear might be in your bathroom or on or around your porch. Sorry.
figured you should hear this from me. Your refrigerator door is way broken. I opened it last night when i was drunk and tried to climb the shelves. i got to the one with the mustard.
I stumbled in at 6am to find my cat in the window making a noise I've never heard her make. When I went to the window there was a goat outside staring at us.
Are you sure? Or did you just think there was a goat?
No there was a goat. I gave it a donut.
oh come on since when have relationships been boundary lines for us
fair point
fun fact #6 about tuesday nights: giving head with two 40s taped to your hands is not as easy as you would think
the amount of chicks and firearms here is unnerving. this will end awesomely or at the morgue.
Look at you go. You're like the Slutty Librarian that Could. They should write children's books about you. Children's books for adults.
Good luck getting that all cat food off in the shower dumbass
Whatever. I'll take my new fine ass dick sucking nails elsewhere.
she crawled a good forty meters just to whisper in my ear... "dildon't"
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