she left her pants. im pretty sure she grabbed mine on accident. im like 9 man sizes bigger than her. wtf
i've come to the conclusion that there is no classy way to apply chloroseptic spray to your butthole.
Bisexual people are plain selfish.
I was giving him a blow job in the kitchen, but it was uncomfortable. so i took the oven mitts and used them as knee pads.
Don't tell me i'm not fucking resourceful.
At this point it has been so long i wouldnt know what a dick was if it slapped me in the face.
this morning i woke up under the kitchen table. i went to my room and there was an inflatable whale in my bed with a banana duct taped to where its penis should be. there were trails of cheez-its around my apartment and i found $67 in the crotch of my underwear. im guessing i had a very happy birthday.
he didn't want to fuck because he was too busy skateboarding. what are we 12? I'm too old for this shit.
The black hole just entered the party man, I can literally see guys starting to move towards her.
Katie told the cabby "when the boat docks I'm getting off with you"
Either she's trying to smother me and failing, or she just has a really bad sense of where her tits should go.
FOUND: my underwear in the cabinet above the toilet. What the actual fuck.
We just had an accidental Facebook titty pic scare.
There's not really an emoticon that says "I'm sorry I honked your boobs, and that you weren't a fan of that."
Tell him you want to lick his face. Didn't work for me but might turn out better for you idk
I'm pretty sure she tried to draw a self portrait out of her vomit. Then you tried to help, but passed out in the vomit.
Randomize
