Your mouth is God's brothel.
I wish I has some fucking Fairy God Parents, I want a kit kat so bad.
A guy in a sombrero stopped to take a picture with me sitting on the curb.
dude i have an english essay and a bio lab due tomorow
so basically your not goin out tonight?
who said that?
there was a trail of blood coming out of one of the bathroom stalls. thought of you
I let a naked juice spill down my leg for like 30 minutes bc i thought i was hallucinating that my leg was cold.
My final act is to send you this message. I love you. Tell my family that I love them. Except my dad. Tell him I said "Eh..." while rocking your hand side to side. And tell Tim that I will always love the idea of him. Tell Caleb I love him so. Take care of Miss Kitty Fantastico. Tell the world that I will watch over. Good bye. I love you.
spring break - time to see if my two week detoxing gave my liver a chance to recover.
sometimes, you gotta take him by the hands like tails took sonic, and fly him into the bedroom.
I really thought I'd be the only alcoholic drinking alone in my car at noon in the Lowe's parking lot. Passed out dude in the car next to me begs to differ.
She complimented my boobs and then told me I smelled like teddy bears before falling asleep on the floor.
It's def pee. WHY DO I PEE ON THINGS WHEN I DRINK TEQUILA
Just bought a colored water bottle so my classmates can be so judgemental when I bring beer to class.
God, please protect all woman from micro-penises
My school has hired a professional rum bottle juggler for our dining hall this evening.
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