I'm wearing a childsize birthday hat and a bib. I am the def of sex appeal rite now
I am doing a scientific study and i need a brief description of the underpants you are wearing
I am currently prioritizing my hw by splitting into things i can and things i cant do drunk. Oh college
you told him you liked to chip your nail polish to look like different countries. im gonna guess that no, you didn't sleep with him.
Wow. Thanks for becoming another fan of something on Facebook. You make me want to gouge my eyes out.
If you stick your dick in my spaghetti, we're fighting.
We legitimately thought something was wrong with you until someone pointed out you were just doing the thriller dance
I wanted to be mature but the vodka was resilient.
we were the definition of too high: argued for 10 minutes about who was gonna get the condom (it was 2 feet away on the night stand) and past out watching adventure time.
apparently, dueling with garden tools in Home Depot is strictly frowned upon
Dude, there are some things that you can't un-see. Her, beached on a dog bed, is one of them.
We got stoned and took selfies with the most perfect lawn
I'm in my math teacher's garage hiding right now because I fucked his son last night. It's fine
i don't know what happened one minute im stumbling home drunk and the next im drinking pabst and smoking with a french guy ive never met named hugo.
and i walked downstairs to find my brother using nunchucks, and making the appropriate noises. i simply asked "why"; his reply? "why the fuck do you think?". i love my family.
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