You know those ponds where you go and pay $5 and your guarranteed to catch a fish thats how i describe her
you know you made out with my sister while holding Ur girlfriends hand while she was puking in the toilet right
She ate the cookie then went to the emergency room. Now her fam is pressing charges. Don't people understand you DON'T steal baked goods from potheads??
Something's wrong. Everything's on fire. Unless it was like that before. Then everything's alright.
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Would you wanna look up as you cum and for a split-second see your dad?
You called me at 3 am and I rode my flat ass bike that I dug out of my garage in the dark to meet you at dunkin donuts for a 10 minute convo about your mother and you didn't drive me home.
you owe me a blunt and a bottle of moscato.
IM WAITING BITCH. ANSWER ME.
We don't have any ice, so I'm using the frozen cognac to reduce the swelling on Abby's toe.
After I'd been making out with her for a good 15 minutes some guy yelled "grab this chicks beer she needs both hands!" And he was right I did need both: god bless jello wrestling.
So some drunk guy just tried to convince me with all of his passion that bacon is a color
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Up until today, I never would have thought I'd have to tell someone not to color on the cat
The Australian strangers convinced me to leave him behind when they started chanting Aussie Aussie Aussie, Oy Oy Oy, and told me they had a bunch of beer at their place.
He finally delivered on the dick pic, and Jesus Christ, it was worth the wait.
My apartment is so clean right now, I should invite someone over for sex just so someone can see how clean it is.
When Dad gets to your house, ask him about the sound of anal beads. Happy Thanksgiving!
Do you think he’ll fall in love with me if I tell him I have a nickname for his penis
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