Want to have sex later?
This feels like a trap
My cousin just told me i smelled good. She must like the smell of cum.
whore
I remember why I come home for the holidays. Sam Adams is the cheapest beer in the fridge
he kept asking me if i had been in a pool or a lake recently, i didnt want to say i know where the swimmers ear came from. shower sex.
gpnpr hd vmdd nm the ggrl whm was mn my lar
I need you to use more vowels.
Ok just don't go to jail. I saw your account balance. It can't take that.
Girl we've come a long way since our first Brazilian wax
you were yelling that somebody needed to take your bra off with such enthusiasm my first thought was that you were on fire.
Hi. This might be awkward, but I met you on saturday at about 330 am. I have to admit I don't remember your name, what we talked about, or various details of how I got home. What I do remember is that I was invested enough in getting your number to ask my cab driver for a pen to write it down since my phone was dead. So do you want to meet, soberer, some time?
Hey bro I think you got the wrong number I'm a dude
I thought it was my alarm clock, turns out it was her vibrator still going off on the side of my face.
They were scared I was going to get lost last night so they dressed me up as Waldo so someone would always find me.
I have to take tonight off from shenanigans. My liver is planning a coup
He was so wasted he lit his sink on fire with shit he found in his room....it was smokeless. Chemistry majors drunk = the coolest shit ever.
I may have been bent over an elementary school lunch table a few weeks ago. Don't judge.
I apparently sent an offer letter to, and then subsequently onboarded, the wrong candidate. How's your Monday?
Randomize
