I lined up everyone's pillows and I'm playing Evel Knievel when I jerk off later.
we are driving next to a guy driving and masturbating while looking at a naked magazine. I love LA
We got so high we made milksteak
I'm telling everyone at work the mark on my neck is a hickey but really I was taking a shit while straightening my hair and burned myself
Remember that foreign guy who never talked last night? He just came out of my bathroom when I woke up.
I tried. Now my legs are bleeding and I cracked my head on the coffee table. Never taking your advice again.
Got my bloodwork back and my liver is in tip top shape. Apparently blacking out 5 nights a week isn't cutting it, so we've got to step it up until I see that all of my hard work is actually paying off and doing some damage.
Sex on roller skates
Floating mattress
Tie
Dude.. full face helmets and hangovers do not mix... I am never going to get rid of the smell of puke.
I took Xanax and it did nothing to me. First sign I'm crazy and actually need it.
I'm sure it's not the worst thing to ever come out of my ass
It takes a special kind of man to fart REALLY loudly right before entering a woman and still get some. This has been a state of bootytown address.
YOU CANT FOOL THE TOILET
Yeah probably not. I have a hair appt, a gun class, and hopefully a boy to fuck. I'm booked.
I don't know if it was the movie or the drugs but after i watched it i wore the same spongebob shirt to school for two weeks and stopped showering
Randomize
