I was high enough to think chocolate sauce on bagel bites was a good idea
Apple Jack is not a good idea for breakfast. Whiskey can't replace milk.
i just got painted green i'm not about to leave for anything
There is ecstasy everywhere. Get over here right no5w. The 5 is silent.
P.S. I just watched The Muppets. I feel like I just got a sadness enema.
No, listening to the fray and drinking a bottle of jack daniels does not count as counseling
stuck in a tree...bring a ladder. also my arm might be broken. no questions are allowed.
We're going to catch a squirrel this summer
Slow dancing with the chandelier.
That guy has been pretty randomly in and out of my vagina for 4 years...I don't think I'm required to tell him when I'm dating.
Good point.
He won't have sex to beyonce. I hate him.
Don't need my thirties to be known as the decade of "new types of shits from drinking" like last night.
Taylor Swift needs more songs about threesomes. I'm not sure she gets me anymore.
he's really high and upset. he just found out alice from the brady bunch died
Why does everyone always assume I'm fucking their boyfriends?
You are fucking her boyfriend.
Randomize
