I'm a terrible person. There are two guys speaking sign language on the metro platform and at first I thought they were drunk and doing a silly dance.
he wanted to have me eat skittles off of his body. he mad gay sex even gayer.
He just kept muttering to himself "stabby stabby stabby stabby" while we were boning. I will never be boning him again.
Halfway through banging her I realized that she was playing a sex playlist on her iPod...first time actually having sex to R.Kelly's "bump and grind"
She tried to wake me up by touching my dick. I kept pretending to be asleep.
It didn't get weird until she took off her underwear, looked down, and said "fill her up!"
she has a picture of her daughter riding a giant rooster.. of course i want to make obscene cock jokes
i have a surprise for you that looks bigger since I found my body hair trimmer
it's been dubbed the summer of antibiotics
Sometime between a drunk guy asking me if I'm a Beach person or a lake person WHILE HIS HAND WAS IN HIS FUCKING PANTS or breaking up a lady fight over peewee football league I started to reevaluate my life and self
Called my house today and my 10 year old brother answered and asked if I was still in jail
I mayyyyy have moaned a name that wasn't his
How was the party
I came home with only one shoe, a t shirt tied around my shoeless foot and I was covered in motor oil. Oh and my shorts were inside out. So you tell me
What, wait. You are not supposed to drink wine out of the bottle?
Only I would get an underage 24 hours before turning 21.
Randomize
