I felt like helen keller
But she could have totally found that shit before me
I just let someone steal something bc they were so fucking weird and wouldn't leave me alone
so I woke up this morning and on their fridge, the first item on the shopping list was my virginity.
Just got head while drinking hot cocoa and eating cookies. Never in my life have I felt more like santa claus
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Any idea who the guy in my bed tagged as rattlesnake dick might be?
He's more than prepared to help us move. Dude brought sunscreen, cans of Coke, and Captain Morgan.
Well for number 40 i would prefer to at least like the guy attached to the dick
he attacked my vagina with the force of a thousand suns
I imagine my service panda will provide sufficient protection. At the very least it will be an irresistible cuddly distraction while I make good my escape.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Dude. I tried to hide my drunk wounds from my parents. Response: "we were young once" and "oh god, did I raise a drunk?"
You are beyond drunk wounds. You have drunk battle scars. A true veteran of the sidewalk
You woke up, mumbled something about forgetting to lock the truck at work, slapped my ass, then passed out again...
You went to a drug deal in a onesie.
You kept whispering to me that the guy making your burrito was an angel.
Well my normal tinder strategy of "Will I have sex with her when I'm sober" has been paying off
You were on the train yelling, "THIS TRAIN NEEDS TO GO FASTER SO I CAN GO HAVE SEX WITH MY BOYFRIEND!!!"
Randomize