guess who came home with a hottie last night
Def drugged
It was at that point the crowd that gathered realized i wasn't getting arrested, and passed the sobriety tests. I got a standing ovation from 25 strangers
soo apparently i was out of money so i stayed in the bathroom for an hour-ish passing out paper towels for money..needless to say i got kicked out
There was a pool of blood on my desk and we still don't know who it belongs to. missed a good party, man.
How am I a tease?
Dude you flashed me ur vagina and walked away.
ONLY PART OF IT.
Hey I never found my wallet but i did find a bag of 14 soft taco supremes
I have your wallet. Trade you for the tacos.
like a dude with a badge in a golf cart is gunna do shit. Unless he has a tazer. Then it's fair game.
So this guy is eyeing me from across the bar. Either the girl I hit on next to him is his girlfriend or he's her gay best friend. I should show him my Penis and find out.
Dude. Do it.
Definitely her date. But she saw it too. So now he used to be her date. Why can't this stuff Happen when I'm sober?
Well that's the first time I've woken up with wet jorts
if i actually get asked out by my dealer what could happen?
i don't know, but it probably involves bathtubs full of weed
Nothing with ever convince me that she wasnt purposely left behind by our mother to ruin my life and fuck our family
I don't care that you had sex on my bed. I care that you used my lollipop condom. I was saving that for a special occasion
It was a special occasion. Your best friend had crazy awesome sex on your bed. Thank you
Sorry for all the snapchats, I wanted you to feel like u were in America getting plastered with me
She told me having sex was our civic duty. How can I not love her?
Want a bet? I'm a kinky and determined motherfucker with a libido that is not easily stopped
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