Banjos are just sex machines. Like lights to moths, banjos are to hipster bitches.
I love how girls just decide that guys who don't like them must be gay
I do the same thing. If a girl doesn't like me...I am like, "i must be gay"
I was up until 12:30 making that damned grammar test for my freshmen then I caught myself running through the verb tenses when I was giving him head.
"I have sucked, I will suck, I will have suck, I am sucking..." I've never felt more like a nerdier slut than last night.
I just jerked it so loud the neighbor banged on their floor. maybe my wife got the point
road dome is illegal, just asked in driving school.
If I don't come back from Italy with aids I did somethign wrong
Last I saw him was around 10 this morning. He was passed out on the porch with his head under the barbeque cover and there were cups of orange juice around him as well as loose tobacco spread everywhere. Good luck getting a hold of him.
Her mom walked into the garage as we were smoking a kush blunt with sombreros on.
I'm just going to text him the word sex repeatedly until he comes over.
Did it work?
Duh, it only took 27 texts and 15 minutes and he was at my front door.
Welcome to the difference between being FWBs (remember how we used to see who could get more lap dances a night?) and being in a relationship. Fun, huh?
Just got a message from a drag queen on okcupid. I cant even catfish successfully.
I think weed is turning my hair brown
Why can't you just come over, fuck me, then leave so i can get stoned and watch law and order?
You know what sucks about being drunk at 4 pm? Not a god damn thing.
Well when I woke up this morning I didn’t think I’d be masturbating to my own LinkedIn profile today but here we are
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