I realized tonight the smell of my dirty pads remind me of my grandfather.
If penises could fly, my ass would totally be an airport.
you took him to the bathroom with you to pee and told him he had to hold your hand..but he couldn't turn on the lights because you didnt want him to hear you peeing..and still got laid. i wish i had your life.
Hey do you have anything at your house 30 ft. tall to throw eggs off of?
I just found a list in your handwriting titled "Places I've Peed." The National Mall and 'under the second bridge after the bend in the road' are two of the tamer entries. I tip my hat.
U were yelling that I wasn't generous or supportive. Then you kneeled and said this weird prayer about the windows and doors of your life.
Either I just got hit on by a 10 year old.girl dressed like a boy or I just got hit on by a midget lesbian. Either way I feel uncomfortable
he was inside of, then got up said "we don't want you having a baby," grabbed his car keys and left. so now i'm just sitting on his bed, wondering if he's coming back.
How do I tell your little brother I lost my virginity wearing nothing but his socks?
Formal letter or email.
I'll pretend I don't know she's blind, my morals claimed the back seat in this adventure.
apparently i came home last night raving about goats and singing songs from muppet treasure island
the quiet that you are hearing is a silent suggestion that you should go fuck yourself
She told me I was absolutely not allowed to sleep with him even though she knows I'm a rule breaker who loves a good challenge.
I told him I wanted to fuck him and he hasn't texted me back in 4 days...am I missing something
Are you really trying to argue your case that you seduced my cat?
Randomize
