Partly cloudy chance of praying to the porcelin gods
Even My mom was ashamed of me bringing her home, she pulled me aside, and told me i can do better than, "butter faces"
I lost count after the 4th body shot but I think I'm wearing at least 3 different peoples clothes.
Just pissed in my own closet. Had no idea adult dinner parties could he so awesome.
All I know is that either you or I told a black guy that he looked like usher and he was sexy and that is our confession
I'm trying to decide whether it's worth it to masturbate in this gas station bathroom
Seeing the pictures of him and i, I'm giving whiskey the win on this one. Definitely had beer goggles.
Interesting occurrence: the application I use to keep track of my periods and sexual encounters just notified me it had been over 4 months since you were logged as an active partner and ask if I'd like to remove you from my options. Wow, kmsl.
had a dream that i inhaled my pet bird and started choking. Then I tried smoking from a bong and suddenly I smoked myself inside out. this is what happens when I don't smoke weed. my brain can't function!
Random question: Have you ever woken up and were suprised to not have a penis?
You are cordially invited to an I'm not pregnant laser tag celebration tomorrow. booze is optional.
Who would you rather hang with tonight, drunk me or high me?
We will walk in fields of dick.
You seriously need to stop quoting those songs when i'm with my parents.
*jedi mind trick* you want to go down on me
What's rude is him not accepting my blowjob offer. What kind of guy denies that.
Randomize
