Just had a conversation with Jon gosselin
Until you fuck him in front of his kids stop wasting my time with stupid texts.
I got to watch him fuck me from behind in the reflection of an ornament. so glad I decorated.
Lindsay lohan: road to jail is on E tonight. Bring vodka we are not missing an opportunity to make a drinking game out of this
But when he came on my stomach I noticed how tan I was!
They were greeting people getting off the 48 with green beers and cheers. The one day I decide not to take the bus home...
i don't care if its just a preseason game, my pick up a guy and suck him off in the bathroom skills are in midseason form
MY MOM IS GOING TO SMOKE WITH ME.
SHE'S GOING TO SMOKE HIGH QUALITY MARIJUANA WITH ME.
I JUST MADE OUT WITH A BRITISH SOCCER PLAYER. LONG LIVE THE QUEEN. GOD BLESS THAT COUNTRY.
I thought I was pretty much sober now but then I realized I've been eating scrambled eggs with my hands...
Sorry bud. Having a shitty day because the GF broke up with my wife and I. We really liked her too
Why did you not tell me that video snapchats are a thing? This is a fucking game changer for my mobile sex life.
Packing a mid day bowl in the Sonic parking lot. Have I gone too stoner?
How the fuck am I supposed to enjoy a third ice day from school if I only bought enough alcohol for 2?
I don't know, maybe act like an adult who teaches children for a living
It's like we're not even friends
I feel like the dump I just dropped is the most successful thing I've done so far today.
What happened to your back?
Rug burn. My ass is even worse.
Randomize
