get your tongue out of his mouth and answer your phone. if your not doing more than making out i'm gonna be so pissed. i'm about to sleep in your car bitch
I have a new drinking limit. I'll stop when I know I'm going to untag the picture that was just taken of me.
She told me to "stuff her hole like a build-a-bear". I was so drunk I didn't even think that was weird.
is it weird that i blow-dry my hair and poop at the same time?
not any weirder than you telling me this at 4 in the morning
She wants out first dance to be to 98 degrees i do cherish you...remember how i said we didn't need open bar....
Also I hooked up with a trainer at my gym. Between her, the married chick, and the bartender, my life is becoming a bad porn plot.
Dude this breakup has officially hit rock bottom. sitting around watching women's NCAA basketball instead of going out
This stranger told me I should "start playing for the other team" and then continued to talk to me about the joys of being a lesbian
And think got sick again from going outside naked. Word to all females...don't try the naked trench coat thing.
My heart stopped for a sec, but I snorted what I believe was cocaine off the floor, and I'm back in the fight
Not to mention I think lunch is a little inappropriate when our relationship is only based on Mario kart and alcohol so far...
It started with a wedding, followed by a drag show, and ended with Trevor getting punched in the face by the bouncer. How was your weekend?
Him naked in my bed with a bottle of vodka in one hand, a pipe in the other, and a rose in his mouth.
I just remembered you petting my nose last night to help the cocaine 'sink in'. I don't think that's how it works
I fucked a French man last night. 5 Times. Ashed my cig in his cactus. That later set on fire while we were having sex.
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