Saved 180 Bucks tonight. Pulled my own tooth. More money to party with.
just had amazing sex with a girl I got caught with in second grade playing doctor. her examination is finallllly over
I checked into jail on foursquare
Just hide your weed in your baby brothers shirt. TSA wont check a baby, thats fucked up
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He's used the term "balls deep" 3 times in the first hour. Thanks a lot, Plenty of Fish.
I woke up with a half eaten bag of lettuce in my hand, wearing my Halloween costume from last year. Damn you tequila.
She spilled some tequila on her hair somehow and I guess I felt bad for her, so I yelled "ROOMIES FOR LIFE" and dipped my hair in my tequila.
Dude you went around coming up behind people and whispering in their ears. I dont know what you said but they looked terrified when you left.
Want to run by the liquor store later? Tequila Youn should really be in attendance at Party Mountain. No one else could be our spirit animal.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I seriously doubt I'm gonna be able to properly put your dick in my mouth whilst upside down, but I'm willing to give it my best shot
Though I don't usually want to turn down ladies who want to liquify my clothing with their eyes, I made an exception.
I'm in the smoking section between a transvestite molly dealer and a group of juggalos. I shouldn't be that hard to find.
I wanna die. I can't recall the last time I was happy that doesn't involve your hand touching my butt.
Did he at least walk u home
He offered. I dont like that shit. I want his dick not his presence on my walk home
So this morning when I woke up. I found my refrigerator open and no more food. It was empty, I'm home alone for the week. Where in hell did that food go?
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