Facebook is asking me which Pokemon I'd be. Is there one whose only moves are gay sex and reading Adrienne Rich?
I think I found my soulmate. This guy in front of me is yelling about getting laid while holding two beers and texting. I think this is love.
you don't know how close you are to someone till they ask you to shave their ass.
She accidentally pre-ordered us Dominos for the next day at 11:30am... we were very confused when we woke up.
we seriously had to hang a plastic bag on his ears so he could throw up right into it.
Banged a lazy eyed chick last night. It was like fucking an iguana.
Mental note: adding peach schnapps to a gin and tonic does not "water it down."
Oh god. There is a bite mark in the bar of soap. Please tell me I was not that wasted.
just passed out again, this time at a subway. On a positive not they gave me a free sandwich, pretty sure out pity but at this point i don't care
I ended up passing out on the shitter for like an hour with mcds smoothie all over my face
I'm the only one who goes to a bar and leaves with an extra twenty bucks and a pumpkin.
Totally had a conversation drunk last night with a bisexual chick at my apartment in Spanglish too.
You're a hero.
They've taken all the lighthearted fun out of S&M.
He asked me to fly out to Seattle to participate in a week of marathon sex so I'm at the airport now. I'll call you when I get back.
I stole $10 from the guy I hooked up with last night.Not sure why but it was definitely more satisfying.
Randomize
