my vagina is like the nba. its where amazing happens.
You know, I really only think drinking is a problem if you're not good at it.
i just fucked the bartender on my cruise to get free alcohol. have things gone too far?
Shaking her cervix like it's the hottest ticket around
We're sitting in his room writing songs about America. There's a verse about a dead dog. There's tequila everywhere.
Drinking with mariachis at jimmy johns.
i just had a pap smear and two shots. lets hit the beach.
Still borderline I believe. As bad as this sounds, I feel God owes me one here and should not let his grandmother die till after my birthday
I literally have a bandage on my dick that's how bad she is at handjobs
No it was good. I serenaded the holding cell occupants with a fabulous rendition of Making Love out of Nothing at all. It was fucking amazing!
He's gonna do me a solid for doing her a solid. It's like pay it foward. But with sex.
Make a note to pack something that won't catch shell casings in your cleavage
So help me God.... if he sends me a dick pic.... I will make it so he has to eat food through a tube in his nose and poop into a bag by his belly button
it’s about to be september and all i keep thinking is what if i go (another) full calendar year without having sex?
I can get weed and taco bell delivered but frozen peas and a loaf of bread are just too scarce, what the hell is wrong with people?
Randomize
