Say my name once during sex just to fuck with her. Like when it gets rough.
She's 40ish and I couldn't wake her up with a stick of dynamite. My sheets are going to be covered in glitter lotion and smell like grape vodka and shattered dreams tomorrow.
Aren't divorce parties fun?
You and I have very different definitions of fun.
he just told me about his fetish for rubbing grape jelly on his penis.
he was so nervous about his first time.. it was like michael j. fox trying to put on a condom...
Note to self: Don't teach the naked lap rule in beer pong until after youve made a cup..
I feel like everything in this room is sweating
We haven't even scratched the surface on the damage we could do. Just saying
Also, I'm going to TRY and be casual this weekend, but really, we need to be serious about equally dividing our time between party and bullshit.
You threw up on his face 22 hours ago and now he's here holding your hand. I think he likes you.
What even was the context for that. All I have written down is "I would vote for President SnakeJaw."
You're either getting fucked or a coupon to Friendly's. I haven't decided yet.
You know it's a good night when the word slut is imprinted on your ass and your hands smell like lube.
I've come to the conclusion that my issue is I'm not fucking a guy with a headboard
you pulled out seven eyelashes and made me count them multiple times whilst crying hysterically.
I just found an old slice of LIME in my wallet?????????
Randomize
