Sometimes, in the course of human events, people get lit on fire.
Drawing dicks in the frost on people's windshields is a rare joy I allow myself while walking to my 8 AM class.
Sorry about your blender, your tiolet, your weed, and your dog...
I'm eager to hear this explaination.
I'm legit concerned I might pass out this weekend from having too much sex.
Dude, had to, it's Canada Day, I fucked her for Canada. Seriously, I put my Canadian flag on my bed and fucked her on it.
I feel a bullet train of disappointment headed in your direction.
My mom just gave me my fake back to buy her more wine.
And by pregame I mean drink heavily and watch Russian dash cam car crash vids
the manischevitz sangria was a big hit
Im in my back seat in my own drive way with two beers left to shotgun and watching the sunrise. Am I over her yet?
Testing the emergency boobs hotline
I gargles a mimosa for breakfast. It's gonna be a killer Monday.
So I crawled off the trampoline to puke in the neighbors yard. Wonderful house guest right here
Apparently the cops had to handcuff me in order to get me to come with to the hospital with them. They asked me if I had had any experience with handcuffs before and I replied, "Only in bed." What a life
I just walked across town, stoned off my ass and barefoot in 35 degree weather for him to bust five mins in and then apologize 13 times as I got dressed.
Randomize
