do you ever lay in the bath and watch the blood hit the water?
EWW. Don't discuss your period with me. You can go shave your back now.
In other news I saw a pack of make believe zombies walking down green st.
gotta love wednesdays
I just made a 90's Nickelodeon TV theme song power hour mix...I don't want to build it up but your head might explode
i definitely just woke up with half of a cigarette tucked underneath my balls. Last night must have been interesting
The only thing the cop asked me is..... "how are you still alive"?
I stayed at the bar and helped clean up cause I was told I'd get free shots. Didn't happen.
Uhg.. This isn't fair. I just want to have sex with you until i lose consciousness, wake up and start over... is that so much to ask?
I just pulled a handful of rice out of my pocket.
I found this letter on my leg this morning "dear sober self- we are one body now. It's weird but get used to it because it already happened" who the fuck is lionman?
Im drinking ciroc out of an ice cream cone... my night is going fantastic
I wanted to write an apology letter to my vagina after that.
I'm currently in a U-Haul truck right now. Going to a party. I hate myself.
just to let you know, that was probably the funniest text i've ever received.
I suppose that kind of helps fill the void where my self respect used to be.
i just got hit by a door and im the one that said im sorry, yeah im drunk.
I JUST PETTED A FUCKING SQUIRREL. A SQUIRREL.
I have to stay away from bourbon. Despite what it keeps telling me, it is NOT my friend.
Randomize
