I'm sorry for everything. i woke up with two citations stapled to my shirt.
i do some of my deepest thinking on my wednesday morning walks of shame
i just got on a party bus. i think i left my belly button at the bar.
well the first picture of me in 2011 involves a viking helmet and chugging champagne. i like this year already.
The last thing I remember was talking about the economic viability of cock ring manufacturing... we had some good ideas
It's ok. Rob's just shotgunning upside down.
I feel like someone kicked me repeatedly in the ribs. I don't think sex is supposed to do that.
So some sort of safe sex group just flash mobbed the bar by putting condoms over people's beers.
They left screaming as a hale of lubbed up condoms rained into their hair.
Sometimes I hate my life and then I remember I live in the WORLD CAPITAL OF RUM
I could run a drunk marathon in heels
I love him about as much as I'd love fucking myself with a cactus.
I cannot, in good conscience, let you talk to a guy who wears Chaps and a knit beanie
I woke up with a giant paw print on the side of my face, my jaw hurts, and I have no idea how any of this happened.
when i woke up with rugburns on the tops of my feet, knees, and chin i was a little confused. and then i remembered i had sex with him in his friends walk in closet.
And then he tried to convince me that he could wear a condom instead of pants to go out.
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