I was just standing there and then BOOM! She was attacking my face with her mouth.
I don't get it, man. She treated me like a sexual predator but treated you like a piece of meat.
i pretty much saved your life. you were so conviced that your nail polish remover bottle was "Vodka Lemon"
I'm not sure which is worse. The fact that I slept with him last night, or the fact that you did too.
its 4am. im standing over him in my bed eating chinese food, on the phone with dan trying to convince him to break up with his gf. whoredom.
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I just realized I'm the burger in your burger and steak anology. Very disconcerting.
It's really sad that I'm trying to calculate in my head the type of place to have dinner that's worth anal
We decided it was acceptable to walk out of class on a quest for Doritos. That high.
I just want to lay in a bed of egg mcmuffins and cry
When we tried to make a video I set the camera to 3sec pictures accidentally so instead of a movie we have a flipbook of our sex.
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New guy at the liquor store was inexplicably fascinated by our huge jug of williams. First he said what are you gonna mix THAT with? and looked confused when I said air.
Strip Simon Says: DO IT
Just spilled beer all over my bed. Should cut myself off, but instead I just took my shirt off and used it as a towel.
woke up. showered n got ready. had sex. and was still 15 minutes early to work... its gonna be a good day!
i feel like the girl with kaleidoscope eyes except the kaleidoscopes are sparkly butt plugs
I'm making a sandwich topless right now. Remind me again why I don't have a boyfriend?
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