His facebook profile says he's interested in men, but i'm choosing to ignore that
he chased her out of the bar yelling "TAKE MY VIRGINITY" and i havent seen her since
It felt like his penis had an endoskeleton.
Emergency need house key where r u I just got shit o n
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
That bitch makes my crazy look like a walk in the park with cotton candy
I just totok an inventory of my purse: 1 apple, 1 pair of underwear, 7 condoms, $18 in ones, a check with "for sexual healing" in the subject line, and a 4 oz bottle of wine.
Oh! and a letter from a judge saying I got an interview. Cause that balances it out.
as your best friend, I hope we never outgrow 'I Just Got Laid' texts
That's what you get for doing kinky shit with a guy that lives in his moms basement.
My one night stand from last night is currently mowing my lawn for me.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I don't know man. I fell outside Pizza Hut and an employee had to perform first aid. But I think I got free pizza. So it was worth it.
I woke up to half of the whiskey bottle gone, and apparently I showered in my clothes. Pretty good start to SB2015 I'd say?
THE SUPER HOT BARTENDER WHO LOOKS LIKE RYAN GOSLING JUST WALKED IN. BUT HE DOESNT EVEN WALK HE GLIDES. LIKE AN ANGEL.
I just traded a couple nudes for pizza delivery. Call me lazy, easy, or an entrepreneur, but either way I'll have dominoes in 15 minutes.
He told me to be a woman and make him dinner. So I threw a bagel at him and went out to dinner.
he was peeing off the deck shouting "urinals are for pussies" that's how much hurricane.
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