I just realized I haven't had steady access to a woman's body since I was breastfeeding.
i just used google streetview to figure out where i spent the night last night
Dating my ex's drug dealer.. best. revenge. ever.
apparently i found nail polish and started playing a game i made up called "paint a nail, do a shot"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
just remembered that i started a tab for just myself at 50 cent beer night last night... i dont understand my life
she gave me her number. found out it was already stored in my phone as "bathroom blowjob"
Eating a popsicle in the shower was the best idea I've had in ages.
I'm gonna take off my shirt and spin it around my head like petey Pablo so u can find us
You aren't going to like my movie choice because it's a Disney movie, but I am cordially inviting you to the couch for blowjobs.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
my vagina hasn't met your boyfriend yet ... makes me sad
my cockatiel has aquired a taste for beer. I should not be allowed to own exotic pets.
I walked out and he was covered in jelly, slithering around the floor. I don't know how to process that.
I'm pretty sure my calc professer is on coke. He's just too excited for this to be an 8am class.
I learned three things this morning. Don't get out of my car without my keys, don't let a girl paint my nail unless I'm getting laid by said girl, and lastly I learned how to break into my own car.
I was stuffing my face while buying a brownie and coffee and some kid I fucked came up behind me and said. Someone's hungry.
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