Yeah..And after he fingered me, he wiped it on my face and laughed.
ew wtf
yea pretty sure we followed the trail of your spaghetti-o vomit to find the car
her cat was choking so she kept trying to stick her finger in her cat's mouth while saying "it's okay kitty, just do what mommy does"
i'm not entirely sure that 'not getting kicked out of the bar until it got dark' really classifies as 'doing better'
He just told me that he goes squirrel hunting. NO LONGER BANGABLE.
The police report said that there were 25 cases of bud light, two hookers fighting in the street, 13 cop cars, and two road blocks, a kid got tazered, another got maced, and over a hundred people in the house
So that means its a bad thing that your dad found it huh?
I just saw that blonde chick you wanna bang rolling down the hall wearing a Thor mask..
Wow. We're meant to be..
You were in your third change of clothes, and I found you in my driveway passed out with my dog's food bowl. You win.
You rolled around in the grass BEFORE we went in and said it was because "ladies love that eau de earth"
No it'll be my boobs and the luge part will be from my nipples. Everyone will be sucking beer from my perfectly sculpted and partially melted tits.
He offered to take me to my appointment after breakfast then kind of just sat there and watched me get a papsmier. Most awkward first date ever.
I've only fucked to 2 Fleetwood Mac songs, that must be why my life feels so empty.
you're welcome to come here, except my beds from ikea so it's more unstable than i am
Full body rubs, head scratches, foot rubs, massages, a penis that is able to get hard whenever you want it. I mean ive got a lot to offer
I got home and he was wearing a suit. He said he reason was because it was shirt and tie Saturday and that he won't change until midnight. He then proceeded to answer the door in a British accent.
Randomize
