i can juggle bunnies
cool
on fire
Matt is in the hospital again. the night nurse text me asking not to bring the boombox again. is it sad or awesome that they are starting to know us?
Well I tried to steal a golf cart. I fought with the Chick-Fil-A cow. And other things.
u girls! girls! girls! have fun please don't hook up w/ a roadie! Love, mom
We jumped on a random trolley because total strangers offered us free vodka. We're not even on the route map as far as I can tell. I see now how those people died in "Hostel"... we deserve whatever happens to us tonight.
Dammit labor day drinking cancelled due to 3 inch long table saw cut to palm
they told me if I wanted to live here I had to get an ass tattoo and then they all mooned me simultaneously. ass tattoos as far as the eye could see.
He had really great hair, but he told me he's been in a psych ward three times. I mean I know I'm a psych major, but that's too much.
He looked me deeply in the eyes and said "I don't want this to be the last time I see you.. Can I follow you on Instagram"
Trying not to ruin Mother's Day with the enormous hickey on my neck. Nice.
All I remember is receiving a lap dance to slow motion.
My vagina doesn't have a refer a friend program. You don't get $25 for getting your friend to have sex with me.
I'm still waiting for God to smite you for impersonating a decent human being.
IT'S FUCKING BABY SEASON ON FACEBOOK. MY VAGINA WANTS TO THROW UP
Hey do you remember me?
You were a giant banana.... how could I forget.
Randomize
