I'm gonna do things to you that will make the neighbors want to move.
There is somethin about your sexuality that makes my dick do jumping jacks when I see you
tonight's goal was "most regrettable decision" and you bring wine coolers?
One of my friends found 6 bags of gummy bears on the roof. He lives a building over. Apparently even hammered you still have quite an arm
you started crying because you didn't get to wear your rainboots this week so i turned on the shower and let you jump around in it
youre the best friend ever
Tonight will bring shame to my future grandchildren.
I knew we would be good together when you made me lick jameson off your boob while you screamed along with racks on racks
Ok wear gym clothes just in case we feel like going shitfaced to the gym
Woke up naked next to Alex and he was braiding my hair and then commented on how healthy my hair was. I don't even know anymore..
Hungover playing piano at a baptism I am the PICTURE of class I feel like I should be struck by lightning
I danced with a french guy who licked the sweat off my neck and poured a drink on me. Not gonna lie, that shit was refreshing
My throw up tasted like pumpkin, fall is right around the corner.
The candles are lit, the magic circle is drawn, now all we need to do is get naked and see how many orgasms we can manage.
He sent me a pic and then I suffered dick amnesia about the rest of that
Well guess who isn't a virgin anymore
guess who isnt wearing pants has a shaving cream beard and is afraid theres no cream cheese in the fridge
the answer to that last one was me. the answer to the first one is you, you sly dog
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