Im gonna name my vag after egypt, "the valley of kings"
I'm so high I used the top vent on my dashboard to heat up a cheeseburger
it's like god just wants me to be high for five days in a row. keep the blizzards coming.
his Mom's staying with him so he asked if I'd go over and fuck in his shed. he said "it's a really nice shed"
As long as he sees me topless I don't care. Redemption. REEEDDDEMMMPPPTTIIIOOONNNNN
Just saw a midget on a motorcycle. Best sight for a hangover ever.
Now I'm heckling that my belch is more exciting than their fireworks and I peed down the driveway.
Am I not being subtle enough by giving him a rainbow striped bong, during PRIDE MONTH?
I feel like it went downhill once I decided we should take $100 tequila shots.. oops lol
Whoever put the life size cut out of Snoop Dog next to me in bed understands me.
I told him no rough stuff and he immediately bit my ass. Who the fuck does that?
He said it only counts if it ends up on the internet
Is it just me or is it like a girl gets married and all of a sudden she’s a “blogger”?
she brought her phone charger to the bar this bitch is ready to drink
where the fuck are you? she just tazed two people and we're tripping shrooms...successful first night in new apartment!
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