My mom caught just caught me jerking off...in her room.
he sent her a picture of his penis to show that he "trusts her" or some shit like that..well she showed it to me, and let me just tell you..it looked like a freaking slug or something. creepiest penis i've ever seen. hands down
I had fun last night. We should have sex less often.
Dude she was 62...with a boob job. And I'm proud to say I made out with that.
Are you scared? I basically plan on us looking like giant drunk skittles
I have a scary feeling my mom might switch her goals from finding me a husband in 2012 to sending me to rehab
I let him watch sportscenter while we fucked. How did he repay me? I'm now missing class to get a shot in the ass for the clap. You and I are getting wasted and keying someone's car this weekend.
At this point if I didn't go to work hungover I think the whole place would think something is wrong
Fyi your toilet is not contaminated. We'd have to scissor pretty hard to pass what I got.
Balls deep in an Orange is the New Black marathon. Bring food and drugs.
I am thankful for thumbs.
Because without thumbs, we would be dolphins.
Land dolphins.
If she "comes out" to me I guess I'll high five her. That's pretty much my response to everything these days.
Will you rub my calves while I masturbate?
So, were you planning on telling me you left your panties in my glovebox??
So I have a horrible yeast infection right now and I learned that Scott is cheating on me and now he has a yeast infection in his mouth and in his stomach a pretty aggressive one too. I believe the doctors call it thrush. Text me in the morning tell me what you think.
Randomize
