Rylan was made in your driveway. Just thought, as godfather, you should know.
Manager just farted into the intercom. Whole place heard it. A number of people stopped everything and looked at him. Best. Night. Ever.
You know how I know it's Spring Break? I just passed a car with "South Padre bound" shoe polished on the back. The driver was blatantly drinking a roadie and getting road head.
I asked you if you were ok and you said "dude I'm fine, I'm in the recovery position"
I will pray to the gods of eye bleach for you
its like the body should be a temple but we treat it like a kmart
YOU ARE TAKING ADVANTAGE OF MY INEBRIATED STATE
YOU ARE DRUNK AND USED AND SPELLED THE WORD "INEBRIATED" CORRECTLY. I AM TAKING ADVANTAGE OF NOTHING.
I CAN'T HELP THAT I'M MULTITALENTED YA FUCKER
We have so much sex to catch up on
Is it rude to ask for an autograph after giving him a blowjob in their hotel's hot tub?
I tipped him really well because I feel he knew we were high, but did it in a non judgemental way.
So pro tip. do not order drugs from india and then assume you know your tolerance level.
I can't. I mean he's hot, but there's really nothing else there
You just said he's hot
NO YOU DON'T UNDERSTAND
Two days ago a random guy asked me to sign his forehead 'cause he wanted to have the name of the prettiest girl in the bar on him and never wash it. I just saw him and my signature still there...
There's a Russian superstition that you'll spend your year the way you celebrate New Year's, so I'm honestly not that surprised you're drunk.
Just ordered a pregnancy test off amazon. Fuck 2019
Randomize
