I'm pretty sure the only race ive ever won was to my mothers egg
i just realized i've hooked up with every boy in this taco bell
That's the classiest thing you've ever said.
Apparently 151 is to me what spinach is to popeye.
I just caught myself doing the gator chomp to my tv. I need to get laid.
Finals are done.. I just wanna get drunk and pretend I'm a seahorse.
bad night - i tried for naughty librarian but could only manage to pull off pissed off barrista.
It wasn't so much a one night stand as much as one night she puked on my nightstand.
She literally took off her shirt and ran out of the bar. When she ran back she smashed into the glass door with her face....That's got to be the best way to celebrate your 30th.
I am. I woke up on someone's front lawn dressed as max Payne also be proud.
It was like, once I started flashing you, I couldn't stop.
I need my sock, sombrero, maracas, and I just heard I had a light saber, if thats the case...i want that back too
While he was fucking me, he just stopped and said, "Mike says Hi." Then proceeded to fuck me.
What did you do?
What do you say to that!? But, when I came, I screamed out my full name.
I got drunk and bought a house last night. Also, I threw up on Mike's lawn. I'm pretty excited about one of those two things.
Tinder has really served to stimulate the number of sex related demons summonings.
Sorry you saw my balls. Pregame includes a lot of shaving.
Randomize
