Woke up this morning to a janitor hitting me in the head with his bucket in the hallway of my building. An alumni was next to me because we locked ourselves out of my room and couldn't figure out where my roommates were.
therell be strippers and coke right?
no strippers. just coke.
i hate this fuckin recession
i have your red jacket for some reason. and a good deal of shame and embarasment. note to self, wear underwear when you wear a dress. also, i was electrocuted last night. dont ask how.
Applied 4 a nanny job usin a Legit Site. Xplain to me how the couple I found offered me a 3some complete with 'sexy pics' of the wife blowin hubby. wtf?
obviously you're part succubus.
when i told him i was pregnant with his baby he texted me 'congradulations'
i pity the fetus.
He's got a wife and three kids but I'm into being that mistake.
In preparation of Wine in the Woods next weekend, today we're hosting Straight Vodka in the Bathtub
My first drink last night was a 2-liter of jameson and coke. So hung over it hurt to put my pants back on
I opened my eyes this morning, looked at the sunlight and made this hangover my bitch.
New Halloween costume idea: Frankenstorm. We have three hours. Make it work.
HE TRIED TO HIT ME WITH A CHAIR. Stoned video games are NOT happening again
He was my first. He knew. He knew right there I was wrapped around his penis.
dude his girlfriend left the meanest shit just marinating in our toilet. I'm gonna have to snap chat this out, theres no other option. prepare yourself
This wine tastes amazing. It's like a fermented hug.
not only did he puke in his mouth and hold it.. He also sneezed while doing this
Randomize
