Alright folks.. i have made history - I just hit my 2nd PARKED car SOBER withing 6 months.. :*( wtf?!
Have you not heard of Jennifer's supreme lust for William Shatner? She wants to eat Taco Bell off of his love handles
my entire walk over here no one looked in my eyes. Period Boobs are BAACKKK.
well i was about to unbutton his pants but then i realized they had an elastic waste-band, so no, that didnt happen
She always manages to outslut me. I can't keep up
I don't remember how we paid for the cab. I do however remember giving him my heels 2 help with the bill.
I'm sitting on the patient chair, waiting for my vagina to be violated & "i don't want to miss a thing" has been playing on repeat. WHY IS THIS HAPPENING TO ME.
I'll see ya tonight at your house...and I'm bringing you a special treat that starts with a V and ends with us eventually going to rehab one day.
Throwing up in the car while my mom drives, sister holds the bag & my dad holds my hair. This is how my family bonds.
Dude I walked 1.4 miles through the hotel wearing a cowboy hat, pink topped boots, gucci shades, and a scarf and met my parents in the hallway at 7 am how is this not a good start to Vegas?
Yuck. My throat feels like someone chucked a couple of Maltov cocktails down it and finished it off with a super soaker filled with Jameson.
Would giving a bouquet of flowers to my mother be a good way to say, "sorry you walked in on my boyfriend eating me out"?
I'm fine with our borderline lesbian behavior.
Last night when we banged she had nothing else on but socks that said 'property of Jesus' on them.
I’d feel the same about religion. We can talk about it, but I want you to go down on me first
Randomize
