I have had sex with more partners than how old he is.
Remember when you weren't going to be a shit show?
Soo i just shotgunned a water balloon...
Well, she's an atheist who is addicted to the Sims.
Who isn't?
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headbutted the bartender, tried to bite the bouncer, and pissed on a cops shoes. and i still got laid. god, it's good to be home
He is in the front yard trying to catch birds out of the air with a fishing net.
You threw an open can of pop at me while I was lying on the floor babbling and drooling about how I need to be alone forever, me and my leaking face.
Can you come get Dustin he's putting taco bell fire sauce on cigarettes trying to light them again.
I never woulda thought that back in kindergarten playong kickball that'd i'd be 24 getting plastered in front of the white house and winning a kickball championship in a young adult drinking league
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After the keg stand you collapsed, hit your head on the floor, started seizing and after 20 seconds got back up and said "hah, I remember my first beer"
that's the second time I've left that bar and slept with the person that's driven my car. thank god I don't take cabs..
After we won I just ran all over campus for a couple hours. Then made out with a guy on a bench
Settled one third of the tab. Am going back for sex. Love you, make friends
FUCK YOU IM DRINKING WINE FROM A BOX
You okay there or need a ride? Maybe a straw for your box
Maybe a straw...
He told me their parents think of me as the "drunk friend"...oddly enough, I'm ok with that
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