sometimes i shoot so far i amaze even myself.
i told him im from Canada, abortion is free
how was last night?
i woke up with my hand stuck in a jam jar with my keys in the bottom and a dog licking peanut butter off my boobs. you tell me.
I may do that, fyi I'm even more sore than I was yesterday. It's like the ghost of your dick is still inside me.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
If u were an xman, what would ur power be? I would shoot lasers from my boobs.
I woke up and he used my makeup to write "hope you don't get pregnant" on my mirror before he left
Every time I think about it I can feel His toe in my mouth and I gag, I'm scarred for life.
Bathtub drinking tim. I have no pool so I work with what I have
Found a popcorn kernel in my pubes... Time fir a Brazilian
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
can we take a moment to remember my theory on 'your tongue is a snake that lives in your mouth' because we reached a whole new level of high
I almost got an A in organic chem but started hallucinating during the final so I got a C
Just reintroduced tequila back into my life...so that's happening
YAS SHES BACK AND BETTER THAN EVER
Last night I was the DD and was trying to drop off some chick I didn't know at her place. The closest thing to an address I got was "where the goldfish go."
Not going to lie, when I looked in the tub I expected to see what might have been remnants of a squirrel.
I’d clean the kitchen before making food. Mark “rang in the New Year” with some rando in there last night
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