no, no I am DEF NOT pregnant. typo. sorry, wanted to talk about us...
After you puked you called ur mom and told her you fucked on her bed, then u said "Have a good night mommy!" hung up and passed out on my couch
that would explain 17missed calls and 3 very angry voicemails from her
She has 260 profile pics. In 260 she's ugly and in 255, she's making the peace sign with her hands...
My family just legit passed around a fifth of Maker's Mark. Also, this is sort of a Thanksgiving tradition. Also, Maker's Mark is really good.
He came on my face. Threw a towel at me. Stole my weed. And left. I thought this would be over after we graduated?
Remember when there was a happier time when people could all hang out together with out the awkwardness of the fact that she stole $1000 and cheated on a brother with another brother !?!??
I started scrolling back in our texts looking for context and a picture of your dick rose like the Great Pumpkin in the middle of my screen.
You know it's time to do the dishes when you take shots of water out of a sake glass...
And you wonder why you're always one of the guys?
I don't care if he's the coolest coworker, if he's living in his mom's basement at 30 you should not buy drugs from him
Sorry about the nipples in that snapchat. It was meant for the Australian.
Our sex is like an episode of "The Simpsons." Picture Homer choking Bart, and that's pretty much what we're into.
All our friends are getting married, and I'm the dateless guy bringing molly to their weddings.
What can I say, like your penis. The fact that I like the person attached to it helps too
tell me about the fingering
it will be a surprise...all I can say is stripper clown.
Randomize
