found an empty one..2nd door on the right...i'm already naked.
Currently in a meeting. i am playing the not throw up game. god i hope i dont lose.
you kept begging me not to tell anyone you had been a bat in another life
the guy that filmed erin andrews naked got 27 months in jail. Every man that's seen it should send him cigs and a nail file baked in a cake. We owe it to him.
Dude. No way. She insults the term butterface. She's a butternothing.
Just did a walk of shame dressed as a cowgirl and walked past his ex's entire sorority. Yippee kye aye, motherfucker.
before we left she put a post-it on the floor next to the toilet saying she was a pretty pretty princess
So someone just pointed out to me that during dinner, I mentioned more women that I'm attracted to than men. The transition might be complete. I'm gay.
Oh god. Just tried to hail a pizza delivery car. Awkward.
International sake day = success
I don't think I even want to know why you are sending my husband pictures of your nutsack.
Idk who invented dominoes cheese steak pizza but I wanna lick their balls
A dude just looked at me like my drunk swaying was corrupting his progeny DUDE YOUR KID HAS A MULLET YOU'VE ALREADY RUINED HIM
I left her alone for a few minutes and she's already using a guy on his hands and knees as a chair while another guy is serving her margaritas.
No one can explain why there is Dora the Explorer shampoo in my shower...
My drunk is wearing off and im starting to feel like this dolphin tattoo was a bad idea.
Randomize
