he said he wished he had more hands so he could firmly hold my boobs.
He DELETED brick breaker off his blackberry why even bother trying to find something in common?
I would also like to inform you that I can no longer lay on my back because my tailbone is bruised from the nightstand. Good job.
there was a sad and surprising lack of "did strippers and blow" in that sentence
Don't let the fact that shes seen my penis discourage you
This guy either needs to stop touching me or buy me another drink.
It's such a good feeling to send those "I'm not in jail" texts on Sunday morning
Where is a good place to buy a New Year's outfit that acknowledges I don't have tits but screams I suck dick like a champ?
just had Stella and stale goldfish for breakfast under the watchful eyes of an inflatable cactus and 5 llama pinatas. Cinco de mayo success!
I think it's awesome that you're getting shower sex advice from a Mormon.
You yelled "I gave my neighbor some of my bitch sauce" and then passed out. You now have drinking limits with us.
My ideal friend would be my dog as a drug dealer
I can feel the shame as I walk down your hallway.. good night
Getting on a bus with a beer pong table. I am proof we can make this campus fun.
You had blacked out Skype sex? Wow we live in the future
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