you only like me because i go down faster than a bridge in minnesota
He was so confused why there was a string hanging out of my vagina.
she was so wasted that she tried to tuck me in and read the jokes on the taco bell sauce as a bed time story
I got a lap dance until she said they wipe of the poles between each dance to clear the "std slime", i couldnt even masterbate at home it was a horrible military monday
We've got 2 weeks of college left-I want to feel like Gary Busey by graduation.
Bitches at mcdonalds acting like they never seen a girl puke in her own coat pocket before
Shame tastes like burnetts and latex
I experienced pure joy just moments ago when I looked down and saw that I had another pop tart to consume down my mouth hole.
Well who could blame her. I would run away from me if I could.
Life Goals: never under any circumstances, pee in an elevator again. No matter how drunk
Just text the random number in my iphone notes that was entered at 1am. Should be interesting.
yeah im watching him make his speech now. cant take him seriously tho. hes talking about funding for education and all i can think about is how ive seen what he looks like wearing womens underwear...
Yeah, he hid all the toilet paper and took a video of me looking for it before I shit my pants. Definitely playing that clip at our wedding.
I do not love him. There is no love. Only sex and meatloaf.
at what point last night did i get this tattoo of an anchor made of dicks?
around eleven
Randomize
