Sometimes I think its so cool that a dick that has been inside kate moss has also been inside me. So exciting.
@ a funeral. fucking miss uuuu
The kid in front of me is videochatting and typing to his gf. I should make poop/sex faces over his shoulder, right?
I just woke up wearing retainers... they are most definitely not mine
It was literally the size of a half eaten tic tac.
Night out in new white coat = success. Offered free breast exams all night, two took me up on it, woke up with one. I love medical school!!!
peeing on that welcome mat was like, the highlight of my week
Fourth time I had to be woken up in the line of Whataburger in two weeks. First time my shirt was free of vomit.
Yeah someone just put a trash bag that says "use protection" on the snow penis
He wants a "vagina fling" before he commits to dick for life. I'm gonna allow it.
somehow I feel like "adventures with cocaine and molly" wouldn't be an appropriate "How I Spent My Spring Break" essay topic.
it’s not easy to sexualize brunch. work with me, babe.
Two days ago a random guy asked me to sign his forehead 'cause he wanted to have the name of the prettiest girl in the bar on him and never wash it. I just saw him and my signature still there...
What? I'll do just about anything if you give me a sticker.
We played wedding bingo. I made out with the maid of honor and fucked one of the bride’s sorority sisters. But I needed to get with the groom’s cousin, a mother-in-law to be, or the wedding planner to win and I came up short.
Randomize
