Who is this?
Who do you want it to be?
Sarah Palin
I've got the updo, bangs, and glasses, but I'm blonde
I have said "that's the wrong hole" for the last time.
I feel dirty and I went home alone. Bars should be like airlines and make fat girls pay double for everything.
Everyone needs a good pregnancy scare in their life.
They are making fun of natty and blackberries.
Tell them they are ugly.
The gym has a pool
my gym membership just went from "way to get in shape" to "place to go swim when I'm high"
Give him a trash can and a welcome home balloon, he will be good.
Hey could you buy me 2 bottles of arbor mist? I'm trying to get laid tonight
i'm totally cool with all the dick sucking you're doing down there, but as your brother i think i'm supposed to warn you our parents will be home in 5
These welts and bruises from letting gay boys whip my thighs last night are a clear indication i should lay off the tequila.
And now we should drink to that moment where you realize you didn't exactly think things through.
as much as I don't like snorting drugs, I would totally be fine with someone doing a line off my ass. that's just a whole new up
Like you haven't hit rock bottom until you have had to throw your own turd out a window
.......he just venmo charged me for the burrito I was eating while he broke up with me
He ate me out on the front lawn of the post office. The people in the office across the road definitely got a show!
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