I think im in love with that girl with the googlie eyes last night. She was looking in my eyes and at my dick at the same time. we are going out again tonight.
Waaait I'm alsleep in myt car somewhere
ever had your bank call you to verify the 4 seperate bar transactions from the night before? I have
i'm at the point now where i want him to say anything. even an apology for his boomerang-shaped penis would be nicer than no comment.
Just checked my bank account while shitting blood. Neither action felt good when I was done.
you came here, splled a bunch of margaritas, hung up a picture of yourself and then left
Sounds good. Stay safe. I'm kind of drunk in a Food 4 Less right now and I'm having the time of my life.
It's called "lets see how many European capitals we can do the walk of shame through in one year"
You asked me if you had to go downstairs to get upstairs. And then you forgot where you were.
I paused the movie when the delivery guys arrived, and while they were assembling the bed, one of the guys pointed to the tv and said "why so serious?" And it made the whole experience happy.
I just want to get drunk and wake up on Wednesday
It all started because he put my damn phone in his pants. By his crotch nonetheless.
After sex he just told me I'm definitely pregnant and it's a girl. Should I run?
It's not vacation until I get called "disgustinly sexy" by an fat woman whose older than my mother.
she said that no one there was hot enough for her so she then proceeded to give the passed out person a lap dance because he was "her type."
Randomize
