id fuck shawn from boy meets world only if we could name the baby topanga.
the couple across the street's about to bang. go get the popcorn and come join us.
Every good night starts with white castle burgers and shots in the parking lot.
imagine if the morning after your status automatically updated with the name of the person you hooked up with
Definitely contact high. Thirty miles an hour listening too i can see clearly now wanting too eat the steering wheel
Nice. Don't spend your therapist's co-pay on Jaeger bombs.
Im about to get a baby alligator stoned, what are you doing with your life?
Man, I want to make his penis a sandwich.
just because the DWI class is located at the University does not make him a professor. I was duped, he is in no way, shape or form a professor!
Woke up this morning naked, wrapped in a bath mat with a wad of singles on the table. I'm calling it a win.
a guy just walked through our campsite, crouched down by the truck, screamed "ACID ONLY LASTS FOR 8 HOURS RIGHT?!", then ran off into the bushes
I fell asleep giving a handjob, had a sex dream about giving a handjob, and woke up giving a handjob. Life.
First things first, I always get more drunk than the birthday girl. Like, who's idea was it to sing karaoke? I killed it.
the best part is that i get to keep the pot plants and he still has my name tattooed on his ass
I’m appalled by how severely I lower my standards when I’m horny & impaired
Randomize
