I'm sorry, but the way we fuck, they don't make condoms strong enough not to break
Well now I have my semen on her headphones
4 am. She strained the mac and cheese onto her legs. She has no skin.
It's only Tuesday and I just measured and checked to see if my 6'5 Friday booty call will fit in the back of my jeep comfortably.
holy shit thats the most artistic dick pic ever
speaking of creep .. love how I kept touching strangers faces at the bar ... and saying "Don't worry I'm a dermatologist"
Marking my student's "don't do drugs" posters while simultaneously texting my dealer, is this what being a grown up is like?
I think i should wear mittens next time we have sex.
When you were bringing him upstairs I told him to bring you on down to pound town. you're welcome.
Mate, you pissed in my bed. Then told me to "Just keep swimming"
Regret, thy taste is box wine.
I know he’s a bad decision but he's casual, his penis is amazing and his technique is on point.
false alarm, still single
My liver has officially said "fuck this shit" and escaped from my body.
Thanks for loaning me your shower and panties. My hubby is awesome, but I shouldn’t go home commando, smelling like lube and sperm again
Randomize
