just got cropdusted by the delivery guy...this was not in my job description.
dude smells like cheese burgers and loose women...... i want his life
Well at one point you put icyhot on your feet because you lost your shoes and it was snowing outside.
so i just realized i am an alcoholic. I was making some tomato soup because im still sick, and put vodka in it. sad huh? lets go out!
I'm sorry for peeing on your door. But it was your decision to open it.
Doing lines off a plate that says, "things go better with coke."
Turning 21 will be slightly bittersweet. Never again will I be able to get underage drunk at Disney World, now I'll only be able to get legal drunk and that just sets a whole different and sad tone for my life.
I'm still in my ugly sweater and underwear drinking coffee next to a plate of assorted treats we stole from the party. I got a new sweater by the way, its shoulderpad-y and looks like a news anchor got thrown up on by Liberace. I'm pretty proud.
I wore pigtails while I was having sex with that 22 year old just to make him feel like a pedophile.
When we got home I apparently addressed everyone as 'peasant' since it was my birthday, this followed by me demanding for my "peasants to wash me".
Reasons why I'm always right: I am older, I am wiser, I have a larger penis
By chance and just chance did you find a cock ring? By chance
I can't masturbate without laughing really hard at some point and it's entirely your fault.
Whatever. I have his dick. Haha how many girls can say they have a dildo replica of a guy they were seeing
I just gave my boss a blowjob. underneath his desk at work. that promotion is mine!
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