weed brownie and a latte, breakfast of champions
All I can tell you is you will need a rain slicker for tonight's festivities. Any clothes underneath would be highly frowned upon as well.
apparently i found nail polish and started playing a game i made up called "paint a nail, do a shot"
Not sure if you carved a butthole or vagina in that pumpkin but that didn't stop high Phil from mounting. My study group is horrified.
Today is the day I die from a hangover. I love you, mom. Farewell.
It was super embarrassing when I had to tell my brother, in front of my mother, that my wifi password was Drinkupbitches. Thanks for providing that lovely family moment.
Stormed out of the house in frustration and now I'm in public and have to take a rage dump. Today sucks.
I realize designer coke was a douchey thing to say but the point of the story is I did bath salts
I didn't know where you were for like 15 minutes and then I went in the bathroom splashing water on the mirror and throwing hand towels around saying that you were "redecorating"
I woke up with broken tostitos all over my bed and a snap chat of myself flipping off the camera.
Fuck that guy and his dumb haircut and awesome dick
When breakfast is a rum &coke at the office Christmas party you know it's gonna be a good day
I can't believe I'm coordinating a threesome at work. My productivity is at an all time low.
He listens to me complain and in return I send him naked pictures. It's a win win situation
There are flour footprints all over the house. Either u guys are trying to pull that Paranormal Activity shit on me again, or u got drunk and tried to make pancakes.
Randomize
