Herpes is a lot like Arnold Schwartzenneger. Because it always comes back. Also, because it is usually in some way in control of California.
he made me stop in the middle of the blowjob to turn the tv towrds him. i then proceeded when he stopped me again to get him the remote. fuck me.
Girls are like M&M's, once the lights go out you can't tell the difference.
I'm praying to Jesus, Allah, Buddah,and the whole gang tonight that I'm not pregnant
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He made a note in his iPhone tonight so that he would remember that I rejected him.
Girl just texted me a pic of her boobs with the caption "don't think I'm a whore"
I think I've hugged the toilet more times than I've hugged my own family members.
Very nice. It looks like a Fisher-Price My First Dildo, but still very nice.
I feel like my lungs want to punch me in the vagina.
is that even a sentence?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Dont get mad at me, it takes two to tango
IT TAKES ONE TO EJACULATE INTO THE OTHER WITHOUT CONSENT, AND SPOILER ALERT, ITS THE ONE WITH A SCROTUM FULL OF SEMEN.
I just set a reminder on my phone to get star spangled hammered this weekend.
we were both freshly single and using each other as rebounds. most intense sex I've ever had. i felt like a grizzly bear emerging from hibernation in a whirlwind of sexual fury
He apologized for cumming on my leg, but not for ghosting me for 3 weeks before :(
Nothing ruins an orgasm faster than accidentally calling out his boss's name
What the hell kind of sad excuse for a bottom are you
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