don't read that magazine bro. I came in it
I am now the proud owner of a 10-12 year old's Optimus Prime costume from Walmart. Tomorrow is going to be a good day.
Got hit on at a funeral service by cougar. I think I just got Reverse Will Ferrell'd.
If i spent $300 & took that thing home i would hate myself today.
Having a man strip on demand was an awesome way to start birthday. What more could a girl ask for? U the best!
I received a sext from my girlfriend, and a deal for free chips and guacamole at chipotle at the same time. I have tasted heaven, and it is beautiful.
dont eat that thats our sex nutella.
Naked. naked and bneed help.
I just googled "creative ways to tell someone you'll give them a blow job". I'm losing my touch.
Literally I can feel my heart beat in my vagina because of how sore I am
He put his SoundCloud on his Tinder bio. I felt personally attacked.
Ok so I need a recap of last night...
YOU SPENT SIX DOLLARS AT NICKEL BEER NIGHT!!! How's that
Nothing much. Just taking shots of tequila before I go get a bikkini wax. You?
You do realize last night you asked me if shampoo had an expiration date then cried for 15 mins when I told you it did
That moment when you’re at the doctor to give a sperm sample you’re only getting 3G so the porn is buffering
Randomize
