return my video game
last night you decided it was time to "get organized" and "straighten out your life." You pulled out a bag of troll dolls, sorted through them and got nostalgic. You demanded both andy and i take one and keep it forever.
Just dunked an oreo in a white russian. Trying to think of a better experience in my life and failing.
Were making a bet for which twin will relapse while in rehab. I'm going for the chubbier one
Rode my bike to work still drunk. Almost threw up on a camper while getting him out of his parents car.
This was my thought process as I drunkenly ran home: Whoa! I'm going so FAST! Why don't I run EVERYWHERE! ALL THE TIME! Then I peed in a bush and passed out on the ground.
So basically you were a dog.
The black hole just entered the party man, I can literally see guys starting to move towards her.
How did she break his doorknob?
That was our fault. We put a chair under the doorknob so that she wouldn't wander out of his room in the middle of the night and jump into bed with her ex. But she's stronger than we thought.
I paused mid sex to tell him I wished I'd taken up barrel racing so I could ride better.
Im drinking ciroc out of an ice cream cone... my night is going fantastic
It's almost like a boob-text, but it's not. Because it was live. And you were showing a bunch of people.
Drinking vodka and pirating music in the library. Welcome to finals week.
This chick walked up to me in the bar and started making out with me, then grabbed my drink while I wasn't looking and walked off.
Drinks have officially taken priority over self-respect, and I'm not even all that torn up about it.
Convinced if I was being murdered in my house no one would come and save me. If no one heard my 10000000 orgasms last night, there is no hope.
Randomize
