Woman walking into toby keith concert: 8 months pregnant, black eye, shirt on that has a picture of a boot and the words "we'll put a boot up your ass" with an american flag printed over--the sleeves were ripped off and she had a camo cowboy hat. Greatest thing I've ever seen.
just balanced a champagne glass on my gut. thanks to beer im a living breathing tempur-pedic mattress.
white shorts are a girls way of saying "im ready to fuck cuz its not my time of month"
chlamydia ends and my period begins. this isnt real life
My life is a requiem composed in the key of fuck.
He's got a southern drawl and a lisp. I'm getting mindfucked right now.
I almost had to get my pinky cut off. Wow I'm so happy. We won beer olympics so i didnt hahaha
Cause your way of greeting people at the club was grabbing a tit and jiggling it while yelling a name, which usually wasn't theirs, and guys weren't safe either.
If I EVER wake up with two black eyes again you better come up with a better story than trying to see how many punches I could take.
It's okay. My lingerie drawer is skanky enough for the two of us. Even across borders.
At one point last night I over heard you say " I'm gonna puke in a bag and pour it down your throat" I LOVE YOU.
Literally just inhaled three cinnamon rolls. Sara is staring. It was inhuman
SO DRUNK
PUKED IN DRIVEWAY
TELL PARENTS SORRY
But at least i made friends with the nice lesbian cop. She knew i was her kind when she had to confiscate my rainbow/pride rolling papers.
I just saw a girl on the phone crying and eating a sandwich. Thats talent right there.
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