Dude, just got a bummer.
What??
A blow job from a homeless chick.
I hid a 6pack in the microwave for later
I knew I liked you
Apparently 'she used to sleep with my brother' is not an acceptable answer to how do you know each other.
the realtor just took us to a house I had a one night stand in. I feel like it's a sign.
Then he told me he was proud of me for remembering that i blew him that night.. Maybe my drinking is getting out of hand.
Does she usually listen to trance and cut up broccoli when she's high?
And when he pulled me off the bathroom floor, he just looked at the cat litter stuck to my chin and said "oh sweetie" and shook his head. I think my dad's officially given up hope.
So it finally happened last night... I re-met someone that i've already had sex with. Had no idea who he was. Fantastic
Also, I'm sat on the floor drinking cava because life is just not working for me tonight.
There just aren't enough words in the English language to convey my deep and abiding love of your cock. So I am beefing up on my Portuguese.
My wife ladies and gentlemen! Love ya babe.
I just woke up ass naked on top of all my sheets, with no blinds in my room because i used them as togas, my back is killing me, im covered in sharpie, i have no memory of last night, and im pretty sure im still drunk. I consider the night a success
No no this isn't that fun. I'm alone drinking wine and me and the dogs ran out of things to talk about around 9 am.
Woke up in a hotel room with some random guy then walked over a mile to the bus stop where I laid down and waited on the bus. GREAT NIGHT
I really need to stop sending pussy pics if I'm going to be running for state representative in November
I would like to make it known to all of you that my penis is official retired, but it thanks you for the countless years of service you provided
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