Dude, I woke up at my ex's house. I am spooning her half naked roommate. There is a pizza on my shoulder. I need you to come pick me up.
I wish i knew how bad drinking and hieghts were before i got up here
bubblegum was invented today. we're getting drunk. end of story.
Hey, I can't get ahold of Tommy. Let him know his ex-girlfriend is pregnant.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
In Denver there are more bars per capita than any other city also the healthiest city. That means lots of drunk girls and no fatties.
Having a race with the dryer. Seeing who can get drunk/dry clothes faster.
False alarm it was margarita mix all over my hands not blood
Shot gunning beers for breakfast. You better be ready for today.
I feel bad for his balls. Ive never seen so much sperm. He had to be dying
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just cried watching Wimbledon, worst comedown ever.
"We drove to the deserted part of the parking lot, and that's where we blew each other. It was so romantic."
Many a woman has been in tears over the passing of my penis' whorish ways.
Your slutty phase was the highlight of my year.
when ur drunk laser tag is all fun n games. try it high and all of the aliens in the galaxy want you dead.
She demanded to see my stimulus package, I had to go over.
Randomize