So it turns out the white chocolate in the bathroom is actually soap
i asked him how he could stand the smell of skunk. his answer was "it smells like good weed"...
so im gonna ask for shark week off tomorrow at work and i advise you do the same
I cant prove it..but im almost positive that you were just outside my window watching me while eating out of a bag of Cheetos...
I knew I fucked up when I woke up with the meat scissors in my hand.
those kids just got delivered to the party by the pizza guy
Fastest way to get judgmental looks on a Sunday morning: wear sunglasses inside carrying a case of beer and thin mints at the grocery store. May or may not have ran into the glass door.
Gotta love Minnesota
If a handjob meant commitment I would literally touch zero dicks
Best orgasm I ever had! I though we totally connected and I asked him to stay over. He went back to the sigma chi house and returned with his blankie and a 40. please help
Dude. She came to my room in nothing but a trench coat. Took it off and said, "you like" in her Costa Rican accent. God I love college.
Beat the bartender in a shot challenge for a free tab. I won that, and him. I never get tired of the "this is my first time with a guy.." bullshit.
How do you even...
The magic of Christmas. And whiskey, of course.
Update: they told me I was twerking to twenty one pilots
Roomies told me I showed up to my house alone with no pants on and burrs in my hair... I live in the middle of the city
All I remember is that I was trying to call my wolf pack by howling.
It wasn't intentional or anything but I've now had sex with all of your siblings. How's college going?
Randomize
